#36: Rachel Cunningham - Tackling Loneliness
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Have you ever gone through a difficult moment in your life? Depression, abuse, loss — these are awful and unfortunate things some of us have to deal with. In these cases, it’s not easy to know what to do to regain control of our emotions and reactions. Remember that you’re not alone on this journey. Know that things can and will get better.
In this episode, Jim and Rachel discuss the experience of loneliness that is growing and growing for many of us, particularly in such isolating times. Rachel explains how she began learning about the extensive nature of loneliness with a Befriending volunteer service, the results of her subsequent survey, the impact of loneliness on our physical and mental health and how we can all do our part. Tune in to this episode to explore loneliness in an honest chat with some humour along the way, dissect how genuine are our ‘how are you keeping’s?’ find out about Rachel’s website and wholesome email group as well as the healing power of dogs.
Here are 3 reasons why you should listen to the full episode:
1. Explore the experience of loneliness and how our perceptions of feeling ‘alone’ may differ.
2. Learn about the harmful consequences of loneliness on mental and physical health.
3. Hear the touching responses from Rachel’s survey on Loneliness and how we can help this widespread issue.
5 Powerful Quotes from This Episode
“You’re not unwell if you are lonely in the same way you are not unwell if you are hungry, but you are unwell if you are in starvation. Loneliness is a trigger for our social needs in the same way hunger is for our nutritional needs.”
“People who are lonely see the world in a more hostile manner, there’s a fear in consistent loneliness”
“We all have different social needs. Loneliness is a subjective perception of a lack of connection.”
‘There’s a pressure to show you are not being fazed, that nothing bothers you. ‘Ah no, I’m grand’
“We never talk about this (loneliness) and it is so widespread. It’s not going anywhere unless we start normalising the conversation. There’s a taboo about it. It’s embarrassing. I finally feel comfortable about sharing my feeling of loneliness because I know how many people can relate”
Episode Highlights
Our deep need to feel connected
● What does the large number of people experiencing loneliness say about our society? Are we unconsciously contributing to the disconnected nature of our society by how we ask questions, how we listen, how we allocate our time, what we prioritise? Have we ever pondered our own relationship with loneliness?
Rachel’s Personal Experience
● Rachel learned a lot about loneliness through her befriending volunteering along with her online survey, both of which have driven her to establish her website and email group to uplift those who may experience loneliness
What does experiencing loneliness say about our relationship with ourselves?
● Loneliness can be felt by anyone, especially when living abroad but having a good grounding of who we are can help in the midst of difficult times. It’s hard to be ok with ourselves all the time, but a fundamental understanding of who we are can assist our next episode of doubts.
The experience of anxiety
● Rachel and Jim share their difficulties with their thoughts and how being able to step back and watch their thoughts rather than follow them can be priceless.
Insightful Results from Rachel’s survey
● 98% admitted to experiencing loneliness with 70% of respondents providing explicit detail.
● A majority of respondents expressed that they felt that nobody understands them or ‘has their back’.
● A common response was ‘if I don’t go out, I might be forgotten’. How reliant are our friendships on outings that might not be sustainably affordable for everyone? Particularly for those who are struggling financially and/or wanting to spend less time around alcohol.
Rachel’s reflection
● You might not know why you feel it but you know you feel it. We must acknowledge and respect our feelings of loneliness. There is restrictiveness about not sharing profound experiences in our lives. Being vulnerable with someone is very often a mechanism to improve connection with them.
Power of Spontaneous messages
● Sending short messages to those we care about can remind them that people are thinking about them despite the business of all our lives. Do you do this often? What would stop you?
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To removing stigma,
Jim and Seb
