#34: Seb Siracusa - Sexual Abuse, Betrayal & Forgiveness
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Have you ever gone through a difficult moment in your life? Depression, abuse, loss — these are awful and unfortunate things some of us have to deal with. In these cases, it’s not easy to know what to do to regain control of our emotions and reactions. Remember that you’re not alone on this journey. Know that things can and will get better.
In this episode, Seb shares his struggles in dealing with the impact of sexual abuse in his family. He narrates how it caused his family to grow apart, which led to growing resentment and shame towards his Italian heritage. Moving forward is not easy, but he wishes to break the chains this event has had on himself and his family.
Tune in to this episode to learn how you too can overcome and move on from difficult situations in our lives.
Here are 3 reasons why you should listen to the full episode:
What are the effects of sexual abuse in a family and how these events create a ripple effect?
Learn the importance of identifying triggers and developing your character.
Understand that moving forward is not about forgetting but about forgiving.
5 Powerful Quotes from This Episode
“[Abuse] is one of those weird things where it doesn’t just affect the survivor. It really has a huge ripple effect on anyone and everyone is connected to that survivor to varying levels, obviously depending on how close you are to that survivor.”
“Forgiveness is a gift to yourself.”
“The most insidious aspect of sexual abuse is that it imparts shame onto the survivor.”
“We are just people, whatever your belief system is, you get judged on the consistency of your actions and your decisions.”
“The suffering starts and stops with you; you can choose when it ends.”
Episode Highlights
Baring Your Soul
● The first time they recorded this episode, Seb shares that there was a lot of anger involved.
● Some people may not be ready yet or are not in the place yet to express their bare souls.
His Personal Experience
● While Seb was not a direct victim, he shares that the event created a lot of tension in the family.
● Sexual abuse does not only affect the survivor — it has ripple effects on anyone connected to the survivor regardless of the extent of the relationship.
Seb’s Account of the Abuse
● Due to his Italian heritage, he was brought up to treasure family above all else.
● Every summer, their family would gather together. But one summer, Seb wasn’t able to attend this gathering because of a trip with his friends. That summer, his family found out that one of his uncles had been sexually abusing a relative for 7 to 8 years.
● The victim tried to keep it a secret in hopes that she was the only victim. However, they found out that he has abused other relatives as well.
● The second disappointing thing was that some family members defended this uncle to protect the family name.
The Aftermath of the Abuse in Seb’s Life
● Seb went through an identity crisis due to the event, making him question the Italian value of family.
● He used to feel proud of his heritage, but Italy became a trigger that brought resentment and shame.
● It’s ridiculous that survivors often carry the burden and feeling of shame rather than the perpetrator.
● Slowly, Seb is overcoming these triggers by associating with Italian culture, cuisine, and music.
● The event gripped their family, but it’s now time to take back control. This realisation was the biggest spark that led Seb to want to change.
The Importance of Role Models
● Seb shares how this event caused him to wish ill of his uncle, which he had never felt before. Now that he’s in a better place, Seb feels ashamed that he let the betrayal he felt have power over him.
● Seb looks up to Richard Moore and how he treated people with compassion instead of vengeance.
● Having role models like Richard Moore can help us overcome traumatic events by following their lead.
Test of Character
● The event became a test of character for Seb. He knew that he had to act to keep the family together.
● We are all people, and we get judged by the consistency of our actions and decisions.
How Do You Remedy the Effects?
● Seb started questioning everything he did — whether his actions were consciously or subconsciously affected by this event.
● He felt that his move to Madrid during that time was him subconsciously running away.
● He believed that he needed a fresh start since everything was becoming a trigger.
● While his move was not a total escape from the effects, it proved helpful as a distraction.
Transformation Starts with You
● You can only confront something once you’re ready to face it.
● Peace does not come from a place of anger or vengeance; it only makes you judge others harshly.
● He doesn’t want to have his past disappointments and judgements of his relatives tarnish future relationships.
Acceptance and Moving Forward
● Rekindling the relationship with his relatives (excluding the abuser, obviously) is crucial for him. Not just to mend the damages and take control but also to reconnect with his Italian roots.
● He hopes that this journey of acceptance and forgiveness can help rebuild bridges.
● He wouldn’t welcome his uncle with open arms if he ever repents, but he’d at least see some humanity in him.
Accept Dark Feelings and Change
● We need to learn to accept dark feelings because they are normal and part of the human experience.
● Yet, realise that at some point, you have to choose to end your suffering.
● Life changes when we think we deserve happiness or, at least, the pursuit of happiness.
● Be selfish to want better for yourself.
● Seb wants to seek professional help to work on things he hasn’t resolved yet.
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To removing stigma,
Jim and Seb
